Sometimes, good people in this world get the perfect opportunity for some glorious revenge. Here are some of the best ones we could find, courtesy of r/MaliciousCompliance. Vote up your favorites!
Photo: u/Fickle_Midnight5907/Reddit
1. Check My Work Email Every Day? You Got It
From Redditor u/OtherLtDan
So I was working for a small private ambulance company that ended up getting bought out by a larger corporation. To folks that have done this kind of work, no it wasn't the company you're thinking of, but this new corporation wanted to be just like them.
So corporate sends out a directive that all employees must check their work email at least once every 24 hours. No exceptions! Now I'm a lowly part-timer, so it would occasionally be weeks in between my shifts. The fun part is, I usually played Field Supervisor on my shifts I did work.
So in order to be in compliance with the corporate directive, I set my work email to update every day at the same time on my phone. I would then log my 15 minutes of email checking on my paycheck so I would also be in compliance with state and federal payroll laws. I also made sure to inform as many employees to do the same.
Didn't check your email while you were on shift because you were too busy trying to figure out what made grandma's ambulance ride to the doctor medically necessary? That's ok. Just check it when you get home. Make sure you put it on your timesheet, though!
It took a couple pay cycles, but eventually I get a call (on my day off), asking why I'm logging 1.75 hours on weeks that I didn't even work. I explained that I was just following their corporate directive. I was told at that point that I no longer was able to log those hours. I told them to give me that in writing as that goes against labor laws. Needless to say, the directive to check email every day got revoked.
Oh, but I did put down 30 minutes on my timesheet for the call as it took 22 minutes.
2. You Want Me To Sign Off A Bad Performance Report?
From Redditor u/LS-CRX
This happened more than a decade ago, while I was still in the US Army. As a sergeant you would get an annual performance report written by your supervisor, and that was a big part of you getting promoted or not, this was your NCOER (noncommissioned officer evaluation report?).
My direct supervisor, we'll call him SSG (Staff Sergeant) Douche, did not like SGT LS-CRX at all. He was constantly up our First Sergeants butt while I was looking after the lower-enlisted in our section, trying to do what was best for them... even if it didn't "make me look good".
SSG Douche wasn't very good at the administrative side of his job (or any other side IMO) and one evening I get an e-mail from him stating something along the lines of "here's your NCOER, sign it and send it back"
:-/
So I read it and almost sprain my eyeballs I'm rolling them so hard. It is the worst NCOER I've ever read... much less received. He was really taking a lot of liberties, and IMO was not doing himself any favors by writing such bad stuff about my performance... him being my direct supervisor and all.
Well there's a section of the NCOER where he was supposed to write the dates that he had formally counseled me about my performance throughout the year, those counselings should support the performance he is writing about in the NCOER... except he had never formally counseled me on anything. That would involve paperwork, and him doing his job correctly. But oddly enough, there were dates filled in for several quarterly counselings that he supposedly had done with me.
Cue malicious compliance:
I e-mailed him back, requesting that he send me copies of the quarterly counselings that he referenced in the NCOER, so that I could better address my shortcomings that he had so CLEARLY spelled out in the NCOER. He very quickly responded that he didn't have copies, but my NCOER was due in the morning so I needed to just sign it and send it back to him so that it wouldn't be late.
:D
I told him I would be happy to make some "corrections" that I felt better represented my performance, send it to him for "review" and then sign it so that he wouldn't have to turn it in late to our First Sergeant. Otherwise I would have to wait for him to come up with the quarterly counselings for me to look over before I'd feel comfortable signing.
Now he knew that he hadn't done the quarterly counselings, and even if he faked a few with dates that matched the NCOER... they wouldn't have my signature on them and there wasn't a chance in hell that I would sign a negative counseling with a faked date on it.
So he was stuck, either admit to First Sergeant that he hadn't done his job all year but wanted me to sign off on a bad NCOER, or let me write my own NCOER and force him to sign off on it.
Guess who has two thumbs and had a GLOWING NCOER?
3. Can Only Use It For "Canteens"? No Problem
Photo:u/tglynn89/Reddit
From Redditor u/tglynn89
My brother-in-law has been working remotely since March of last year as part of the IT department for an insurance company. As part of their "compensation" they get canteen credit every month. The company didn't stop these payments while everyone was working remotely and gave the employees no chance to spend the credit as the canteen was obviously closed.
My BIL got a new job recently and had just under €1000 left in his canteen credit. He asked the company before he left could he take some of it out in cash or transfer it to a co worker. They would not allow him do this. Here comes the MC: he looked up the canteen website and they allowed you to use your credit to send a wine and chocolate gift set to someone.... you see where this is going. So he decided to purchase as many as he could and gift them to himself. This morning he received 20 gift boxes!
4. Close My Account? No Problem
From Redditor u/ljrdxyh
So this was back during the 2008 government mortgage crisis. Had great credit, a great job, and multiple credit cards I used to manage the different properties I owned, a personal card, gas cards, etc. So one day I get a letter from a credit card company saying that they unilaterally were raising my rates from 13.99% annually to 27% annually. If I wanted to keep my card (something many people during the crisis needed to do to survive) I had to agree to the new rate, otherwise they would close my account, I would not be able to make any more charges on the card, and I would have to continue making monthly payments at my current interest rate until the card was paid off.
Of course I had done nothing wrong credit-wise to deserve this treatment from my credit card company (almost doubling of my interest rate) so I called their service line. After being on hold for over 2 hours I finally got to speak to a CSR and after not getting anywhere with her, I had to hold for another 30 minutes to talk to her supervisor. I was basically told (very rudely) that I could either accept the new rate or chose to close my account, those were my only two options. Incensed, I said "Fine, close it" and they did.
What they didn't know was that a week prior I had transferred all the balances from my other cards (Over $22,000) to their card without paying a transfer fee and at a promotional rate of 1.9 percent for one year. But because of the law at the time, they could only charge me at a rate of 1.9 percent until the loan was paid (Here's the malicious compliance part)
So here I am 13 years later paying the absolute minimum payment I am required to make each month, never missing a payment and never paying late (otherwise their 'default' rate of 27% would kick in). Since the inflation rate during these years has been well over the 1.9% interest I pay, it's like free money! I paid off every other creditor I had with the money I saved and don't even use credit cards anymore as I've been able to save enough to live on a cash only basis. They've tried multiple times to get me reactivate the card or to transfer the balance to another super-duper account with lots of benefits for me (like paying a much higher interest rate!) without success.
The only thing I lament is that all good things must come to an end as my balance is now down to $1000 or less, but at least it will last another couple of years.
p.s. young folks: I lucked out, I would have been up a creek otherwise. If you don't have credit card debt now avoid it like the plague. It's ok to get a card, you need it for many things in today's world - just pay it off every month.
5. Do My Job? Absolutely
From Redditor u/redxmoonx
This happened about 7 years ago, I (M29) used to work in a store...This particular day I was in the register when a well dressed guy and three women walk in, each takes a cart, start walking around and picking things out.
I was known for my no bs attitude on the register, you throw money at me, give me attitude, w.e, I'll do it right back to ya so when a coordinator comes to me 30 mins later and asks me to take the dude and his girls on my register, I already know we're in for a fun time.
They rolled up with these three carts FULL of clothes and not just any stuff, we talking shoes and boots that costs 300-800, expensive handbags, coats and more, I'm just there thinking "aaaw sh*t". So they walk up, I start scanning all the while these ladies are being unpleasant. Finally I get thru it all and total comes up to about 3k, dude reaches into his fly a** coat and pulls out a wad of cash, all crisp $100 bills and immediately I knew something was off, so I take the money and go to the machine to check it, first bill, doesn't pass, neither does the second so I turn back around and tell the dude the I can't take the money, before I even get a chance to fully explain, one of them cuts me off and tells me to "take the f*cking money and do my d*mn job".
Cue malicious compliance.
Cops take my statement and next thing you know all 4 of them are getting [detained], while one of the ladies is screaming and cursing at me, while I tell her in the most innocent voice I can pull off "you told me to do my job!"
6. You Want 12 Sugars And 12 Cream? Right Up.
From Redditor u/revilo636
Years ago I worked for the big Canadian coffee and donut shop, mostly working the evening shift. If you aren't familair with Canadian brand coffee shop, the cream and sugar are dispensed by a machine that is calibrated to ab amount determined by corporate. If you are used to ordering at the fancy green place, or the running donut place, the number of sugar and creams you order may need to change depending on how much you actually want.
One night, we had these 3 bikers drive in, and you could tell they had been on the road for a while. Their ringleader was your stereotypical biker; tall, wide shoulders, big beard, covered in leather. His friends were were shorter but otherwise still had the whole tough but tired look going on.
My coworker was in the back working soup and sandwich, but Its only three people and it's been a slow night. No worries. Just need to get these tired boys some caffiene and wish them a good night.
Ringleader: I want an extra large 12 and 12.
Me: Are you sur...
Ringleader: Did I stutter?
Me: Okay but that's only...
Friend 1: Did he stutter!?
No. No he did not... So off I went to make him exactly what he asked for. Grabbed a cup and put it under the sugar dispenser while I pressed the times3 button 4 times. 12 XL shots of sugar. Then I went over to the cream dispenser and did the same thing. Now, fun fact. The cream and sugars are measured to dispense 1/12 of the cup size you are selecting. So by the time all 12 shots of creamer were dispensed, the cup was basically full.
I stirred the creamy sugar mixture around before I poured an itty bitty splash of coffee in his cup, just enough to bring it up to the saftey line on the cup. I tried asking him if he wanted me to heat it up or anything, but I basically got the same exact run around from him and his friend.
Obviously the guy knew what he wanted and he didnt need me to tell him what he was ordering. They grabbed the rest of their order and drove out into the night.
Now, you would think that was the end of the story. The big angry biker man got his nasty sugar cream drink and left me sitting there wondering if the rest of the world had been drinking their coffee wrong this entire time. But no, I was lucky to be working the next afternoon when he came back in! Mr. Ringleader came back in all by himself the next day and shuffled up to the counter. I could tell he must have been embarrassed because his voice was a lot softer this time, he knew he f*cked up.
The glorious aftermath is that he apologized and confirmed that the drink had been utterly disgusting. Turns out he was used to ordering from the fancy green coffee place and they use way smaller measurements for their creame and sugur. Once I knew where he was used to ordering from I made him the approximately same drink using our measurements (roughly a triple triple) and sent him on his way.
I only wish I could have seen his face when he took that first sip.
7. Just Put It In The Toilet? If You Say So
From Redditor u/lunatoons291
Obligatory this happened to me ~8 years back. It was the summer before my senior year in high school, and my best friend at the time invited me to come stay with her and her dad’s family in Florida for two weeks.
Much to my chagrin (on a beach vacation no less) I got my period. I had brought supplies with me just in case, and disposed of them wrapped up in toilet paper in the lidded garbage can in the shared bathroom we were using as one does.
On the third day of the trip, her dad approached me to say that my friend’s step-brother, who lived with them, had “seen” my period products in the bathroom garbage can (like, were you digging around in there ya weirdo?) and was disgusted by it. He asked me not to throw them out there so his son wouldn’t have to “see that” (again, a lot harder to see than to avoid, imo, but I digress). I asked him where he suggested I dispose of my “disgusting” products then, to avoid upsetting his son. I thought it was a kind of ridiculous request since this is a natural body process I can’t control, but I wanted to do what I could since I was a guest there.
But this man goes “just hold it in until we go out to dinner or something and throw it out in a public restroom.” Sir, you have a daughter. How can you not know that’s not how things work? When I asked him what I should do if that wasn’t an option, he said “just flush it then, so he doesn’t have to see it.”
Cue malicious compliance. Yes sir, instead of wrapping up my used tampon in some toilet paper and tucking it into the trash can (that has a god d*mn LID), I will flush it down the toilet instead.
The first one went down just fine. The second time it went down with a gurgle. But the third one made the toilet back up and overflow. I’ll always remember the sight of my friend’s dad pumping that toilet only for a partially dissolved bloody tampon to float to the surface of the bowl. I went back to putting them in the trash, and he didn’t say another word about it.
8. Stop Doing Things That Aren't My Job? Sure Thing
From Redditor u/HungryAd2461
When I was doing my articles at a small law firm (internship to be admitted as an attorney) I was the go-to person for everything at the office (setting up computers, buying stationery, paying bills, going to court, seeing clients,etc). After being admitted as an attorney I continued doing all this because the secretary only did about 20% of what a secretary would usually do and refused to do anything else. My boss does some shady business (don't pay taxes, etc) so he couldn't just fire her for fear of her ratting him out. He also never disciplined her. We are not in the US.
Since we worked from my boss's mother's house, the secretary also spent about 50% of her day just chatting to his mother and they became fast friends. Guess who was always the evil one that everyone ganged up on? Yours truly. I was made out to be incompetent at my job and I used to cry a lot and almost became an alcoholic from work stress.
One day the secretary got really upset with me (after I asked her to buy stationery since we didn't even have staples) and after a heated argument told me that I'm not the office manager and should stop lording it about as if I was (bear in mind I was her senior both as an attorney and in number of years worked at the firm). My boss did nothing and rather got upset with me and so did his mother.
I decided there and then I am done doing both secretary work and my attorney work because I was working roughly 50-60 hours per week (standard is 40) trying to get everything done without receiving overpay (the unemployment rate in my country is around 30% and in the legal field supply of lawyers exceeds demand). She knew this and my boss knew this but no one cared that I was basically working myself into an early grave.
Cue malicious compliance. If everyone agrees that I am not the office manager than I will stop managing the flow of the office and only do my attorney work. I stopped paying the bills, buying the stationery, reminding my boss of important meetings, etc.
Within two weeks the electricity was cut off for 10 days because it wasn't paid and my boss' elderly mother and the rest of his family had no electricity. We could also not work for those 10 days. Once the electricity went on, the phone lines were cut because of non-payment. We could again not work. The post piled up, there were no stationery. We couldn't do service of court documents because our service providers cut us off. It went on for weeks. I simply worked around the issues and sorted my life out (one example: when the wifi was off I used my cellphone to hotspot my laptop without telling anyone).
In the end my boss and his mother begged me to do what I used to do but I refused. Since I was focusing more on my actual work my fees increased and my pay increased as well. Shortly thereafter I moved away from that office to our secondary office and worked alongside lovely colleagues who all did what they got paid to do. I have been at this new office (same firm just a different location) for the last two years.
9. I Can Go To Another Company? Alright Bet.
From Redditor u/tuna_tofu
When I pay my mortgage, I round up and divide in half. I pay half every other week. So my mortgage got picked up by another company when my mortgage company went out of business. To do what I was doing with the NEW company was $300 to enroll and an extra $40 EACH PAYMENT. Oh hell no. I spoke to my credit union and they had an auto pay that would pay my bills from my direct deposit FREE.
So nearly a year goes by and I get one of those scary letters "You are in default on your mortgage. Unless we get X payment within 10 days of this letter we will foreclose." I was astounded since I had never missed a payment and was actually paid a couple of months ahead. I spoke with their accounting department. It seems they couldnt accept "half payments" only full payments (even though they had done so for year) so the money had to sit "unapplied" until a full payment was accrued. That made sense EXCEPT again, they got MORE than enough and it was always in there in full before the due date so on the due date they should have just taken it and applied it to the mortgage.
So further digging, the rep says to me "OH by the way - we have $8200 of "unapplied funds" in this account. What do you want to do with it?" Uh PAY MY MORTGAGE WITH IT? "Oh we cant do that." So I had to get a check cut for $8200, pay $45 for them to overnight it to me, take it to my credit union, cash it, pay $25 for a cashier's check, and pay ANOTHER $45 to send the cashier's check BACK to them. I called relentlessly to see when it had arrived and had all kinds of postal tracking, signature confirmation, etc. Remember, I only had TEN DAYS to get this sh*t straight!
So they get it and verify that it is applied to my mortgage and that there will be no foreclosure. The rep tells me "Well your next payment is due in 2 weeks and there will be penalties and late fees applied so the amount is XYZ AND we are raising your interest rate (to nearly twice what it was before)." Uh no. ALL THIS IS YOUR COMPANY'S FAULT. She says "You knew these were the terms and conditions when you took out your mortgage with us." Uh no. I didn't take it out with YOU, I took it out with another company and I was ASSIGNED to your company. "Well don't be late with the next payment!" Uh no. I want to speak with a manager.
So I FINALLY get to speak to a manager and he wasn't much better. His only response "Well you can always go with another company but good luck with that these days - so many foreclosures and your credit is not very good from missing so many payments."
So I decided to take his advice. I contacted my credit union, explained everything, showed them THEIR OWN payment transfers, AND the mortgage statements showing the other company had received the money bi-weekly like clockwork, and...the credit union took over my mortgage. I got a reduced interest rate AND [got rid of] all the fees, penalties, and got the overpayment back (I applied it to the new mortgage payments) etc.
So when a company acts like they have you over a barrel and tells you to try to go with someone else, DO IT!!
10. Make Me Give You A Different Name? No Worries
From Redditor u/nategolon
Years ago I worked at a busy, corporate sit-down burger restaurant. One day I’m hustling through the lunch rush and I have six college guys sit down. One guy flags me over and loudly pronounces that they’re ready to order right away.
“What are you guys having?” I ask.
“Guys?” the same guy says with a smirk on his face. “Guys? That doesn’t sound like a very professional greeting to me. I work at a restaurant too and if I walked up to a table and asked ‘What are you guys having?’ my manager would definitely let me know that was inappropriate.”
The other guys at the table look kind of uncomfortable at this exchange, and just silently sit there. The main guy looks around at all of them and keeps going.
“Why don’t you come up to us again and do it right?”
At this point I’m looking around at my massive section of tables and getting the distinct feeling I’m going to be at this table forever. I’m trying not to lose my cool, so I smile.
“Sure,” I say. I take several steps back and walk up again. “Gentleman, how you all doing? Ready to order?”
The main guy smirks and nods. I look directly at him.
“How about you, Chief? What are you having today?”
Some of the other guys laugh. He looks angrily at me but orders his burger and a drink. I get everyone’s order and hustle off.
I return with drinks a little while later. I set everyone’s drinks down and do the main guy last.
“Here you go, Boss.”
I leave before he can say anything. Through the course of their meal I call him a different nickname every time.
“You need a refill, Pal?”
“How’s your burger, Buddy?”
“Need more ketchup, Bro?”
“Can I get that plate out of your way, Dude?”
“Any dessert for you, Amigo?”
“Need me to split your check, Brother?”
“Make sure to leave me one signed copy, Muchacho.”
So by this time this guy is boiling. His friends are loving it though. As time has gone on, the rest of them keep looking at me expectantly. What nickname next?
Finally, they all get up to leave. Lunch rush has ended and I’m chilling at this point. I casually walk up to them.
“Thank you gentlemen for coming in.”
The rest of the group is smiling. I look at the main guy.
“And you...you have a fantastic day...Hoss.”
The rest of the guys cheer. They all head out. I grab all their receipts on the table. Surprise, surprise, the main guy left me zero for a tip. I didn’t care. It was all worth it.
11. You Wanna Destroy Work Culture? Sounds Good
From Redditor u/cinemabears
I worked graveyards in a large furniture warehouse preparing furniture for the drivers next day deliveries. Each prepper was responsible for prepping two bays for delivery.
To prep the furniture we would unbox all furniture, put feet on couches, hardware on dressers, build dining room chairs and make repairs.
The culture was to prep your bay and when you finished you helped the next bay and snowballed until everyone was finished and then you would hop on a cherry picker to get last minute additions or replace damaged furniture.
This place decided to implement a production standard. You were given an allotted amount for each action down to the nut and bolt. If you added up your allotted time and you finished early you got a 10 cent an hour bonus equaling 80 cents a day. Also, this was to prevent you from helping other bays as you weren’t allotted time for other’s work.
Malicious Compliance... I was efficient and didn’t waste any movements. I would blast through my bay, add up all the allotted time and saw that I finished two hours earlier than I was allotted.
Rather than turn in my sheet and get 80 cents extra for the day, I sat on a comfy couch at the end of my bay and did nothing until my allotted time was up.
I remember when the manager drove by and said, “we need you to go help —— and get damages.” I just looked at my watch, then at my beautifully prepped bay and said “I’m still prepping my bay.” Put my headphones in and leaned back while he looked completely shocked. There was nothing they could do as I was still on the clock for my bay. I saw it more beneficial to get paid for two hours of doing nothing than 80 cents to work my a** off.
12. Won't Take My Name Off? Guess I'll Just Use It
From Redditor u/SoftPocketss
Between eight and ten years ago I received an email welcoming me to Netflix. That was a bit concerning since I hadn't signed up so I contacted the company. They told me someone must have accidentally used my email when they created an account. Our last names were the same and our first initial. I said Oh no problem, you must have additional contact information for them besides my email, could you please remove my email from the account and let them know so they can fix?
Well, immediately that was a big problem for Netflix and well, no they couldn't remove the email because it was the only one they had for the account and how did they even know that it was mine? I said give me your email address and start talking, I will email you the words as they come out of your mouth. That wasn't good enough for proof somehow. More likely I was in the other person's Gmail account asking to not have Netflix?
What they finally ended up doing was changing the account password so that when the customer went to log back in they wouldn't be able to and would need to do a password reset by calling Netflix and then they would confirm the email address. I kept getting Netflix emails so that didn't work - I called again, same again - didn't work. I changed the password several times myself because I could use the forgot password function and get an email to reset it, that didn't work. I don't know how they kept getting the new password without updating an email address and I didn't really care at this point.
For the last eight to ten years I have had Netflix on everything thing I own. I have signed in on hotel televisions, used it on my phone, my XBOXs; My kid uses it. I only ever signed in under "Family" and told him to do the same. The entire history in "Family" is us. The other logins, "Fred", "Softee", and "Lylla" accumulated history. I would occasionally look because, curious. Never did a single new show appear in the "Family" watch history that wasn't because of me.
Well, I woke up this morning to an email from Netflix telling me that this email address was no longer associated with that account and if I had any questions etc.
Thank you Softee! It has been an amazing run and I am not sure why you gave me free Netflix for the last decade but I think you are amazing!
13. You're Gonna Lie About My Salary? Let's Work Hourly Then
From Redditor u/mypostingname13
Years ago, I was an "inside sales" rep for a simultaneously large and tiny company in a niche market. The quotes are because it was at least equally outside sales, I just didn't go outside except to smoke (I've since quit). They had about 50 branches across the country of various sizes. The smallest was literally one guy who processed local orders and used hot shots for delivery, the largest had about 50 employees. I made 6 for my branch.
I was literally the first salesman with a background in anything resembling sales that my branch had ever hired (they'd always hired the least socially awkward industry professionals they could prior to me), and they'd had their CSR doing the selling for over a year until I came on, so expectations were high.
When they hired me, we had somewhat heated negotiations over the comp plan. It was a $42k base salary + commission with a $56k OTE and $65k cap. I asked what I was meant to do after I hit the cap; to which they replied, "Continue to do your job?" as if I wasn't going to have a problem with generating new business for free. I said that I was gonna need a bonus structure beyond the cap if they wanted me to do any more hunting after that point. I made it clear that I'd service my accounts when they called, but I wanted to be clear that they were going to be disappointed if they expected me to make outbound calls looking for new business after I'd maxed my comp plan, and that I'd definitely enjoy the extra time at home with my family over the holidays. They said they understood, and we went through the onboarding.
I worked almost exactly 40 hours for almost 2 months (early October- early December) before I had jury duty and missed a day. My check was about $150 light compared to what it had been, so I complained to payroll (benefits kicked in at 90 days). That's when I found out I was making $21/hr and was not, in fact, pulling a salary. Presumably, this was to force me into the office, as we didn't have remote access to the local network that logged our hours, just the ordering/inventory software. I didn't get even a prorated Christmas bonus because that counts as "benefits," and you have to work 90 days to receive those.
Cue malicious compliance.
I discovered that if I left the house 30 minutes earlier, my 80 minute commute would take less than 25, so instead of showing up around 8:30 and chilling in my car for a bit so I was working at 9, I was there at 7 with the warehouse guy, sending emails.
I started working through lunch as I ate at my desk as opposed to burning an hour off campus or in the break room (I didn't even realize I was losing an hour/day to lunch )
I also discovered that if I stayed til 6:30, I'd get home by 7, as opposed to leaving a little after 5 and getting home around 6:30.
So, I spent an extra 5 hours/wk away from home and worked an extra 22 compared to the 35 I was getting paid for before I figured it out.
With the OT, I was clocking north of $2k more than intended every month, and oddly enough, no one even noticed until the internal auditor verified W2's and noticed that I made significantly more than the branch manager.
I didn't hit my commission cap until late November, so I spent the rest of the year "training" with the tech and/or warehouse guy. Both stoners.
They tried to put me on the same salaried comp plan I'd originally agreed to, but it was enough of a pay cut to qualify for constructive dismissal, so I got to quit and still collect unemployment for a month before I found another gig
14. You Want Me To Open The Register? Okay.
From Redditor u/Fickle_Midnight5907
I (M19) work as a cashier in a gas station in Miami Gardens, Florida. Naturally, the people that come into the store tend to be on the crazier side.
The store had a line of maybe 7 people. Now, at this point, i had the “register closed” sign up and i was stocking the vaporizers and accessories on the shelves behind the counter.
[One lady] comes to the front of the line ranting and raving about how the line is too long and that we shouldn’t be keeping a valued regular customer waiting. (I’ve been working here for 4 months and i’ve never seen her, i’m fairly confident i know all the regulars) I tell her that there are other things that my manager left for me to do before the end of closing and that i have to get them done.
She didn’t seem to like that all. “I DEMAND that you open your register RIGHT NOW” Okay, you got it, lady. I moved the sign and then i turned back to her. “Do me a favor and stand a little bit to your right” Surprisingly, she complied, albeit with her arms crossed and what i can only assume was an angry gaze firing through her mask.
Cue the malicious compliance.
“Next customer” I yell out into the store. It dawns on her what i’m doing but the next customer shoots up in front of the counter before she can even fully process it. I go about this transaction as normal, despite the fact that this lady is yelling at me at the top of her lungs.
I finish up with the other customer and I turn to her. She tries to yell over me so i raise my voice a bit and try to be as stern as possible. I tell her “Just because my register is open now, doesn’t entitle you to skip all the other people in this line who also have lives, and jobs and other responsibilities. Get to the back of the line, and be respectful or i have no choice but to have you removed from the store. (We don’t have security but we’re 2 blocks away from a police station and one of the cool a** officers who comes into the store gave me their personal number to use just in case we have any issues.)
The lady harrumphs loudly and walks dejectedly to the spot in the line she had before she left. In the amount of time it took for the rest of the story to occur, more people had gotten in the line. “I said the back of the line” i told her pointedly. She dropped her shoulders and walked to the back like a toddler.
15. Boss Wants More Customers? Okay
From Redditor u/Rexxington
I work at a very popular pizza chain. Well today my manager told me that instead of not answering the phone due to us not being open. I now have to answer it and put their order in as a timed order. Along with not telling them that it wouldn't be ready for pickup until 11, I guess he's after more sales, I don't know. Cue malicious compliance, and this morning we happened to get a lot of calls. By the time it was about 10:45, I had 10 orders in, along with that's when the first customer arrived. Well see the issue was that by company policy and rules, we cannot unlock the doors until 11, or when we're supposed to be open. We can send deliveries out early, yet we cannot open carryout early. Well as you can imagine the customer became pissed when I told them they have to wait until 11 before I can serve them due to policy. With the cherry on top being my manager heard the commotion, and decided to forgo the rule. Well in walks in his essential boss, he trains managers and employees mainly. In which he sees what he's doing, and promptly gets in trouble as a result. After his boss talked to him for a bit, my manager pulled me aside and said we're no longer taking orders early, nor are we allowing customers to enter the store early.
16. Speak The Language Of This Country? Sounds Good
From Redditor u/laurel_laureate
My friend, who is Vietnamese, gets told "Speak English, you're in America!" all the d*mn time.
It got quite annoying to him, so he eventually decided to do something about it.
He looked up the Native American tribe whose tribe was originally on the land where he lives, went to the tribe's cultural center, told the elderly grandma working there he was tired of being told to speak English in America, and had her teach him how to say "White person/outsider/non-native" in the language as well as some other curse words and what not.
Apparently this made that Native American granny's week, because she went all out and really taught him quite a lot.
And ever since any time some racist tells him to speak English in America he says "Well why don't you speak [Native American tribe's language], we're in [Native American tribe]'s lands! You d*mn [Native American word for white person]!"
The shockedpikachu.jpg face he gets in response never gets old.
They completely freeze up for a few seconds, before responding in entertaining ways such as gasping for air or pointing their finger angrily or just turning and walking away lol.
Eventually the word spread among my group of friends and quite a few of them- who as immigrants, or even just people who speak a second language, occasionally also get told this- are always chomping at the bit to get their chance to use this response.
17. Speak English? Alright, English It Is
From Redditor u/StareyedInLA
It was the late 1980s in Los Angeles, California. By this time my mom, a Japanese immigrant, had been living in the United States for ten years. Although she could speak English well, she wasn’t fluent and preferred to speak Japanese with others from the local Japanese-American community.
One day, she and a friend were waiting to be seated at a restaurant on Beverly Boulevard. As they chattered away in Japanese, a large shadow cast down upon them. Looking up, they found Karen’s 1989 counterpart leering down at them.
Mom couldn’t remember how the woman looked except for the look of pure contempt trying to work its way across facial muscles frozen by Botox.
“You two,” Karen barked, “this is America! Speak English.”
Startled, my mom and her friend made eye contact, unsure of what to do. Encounters like this were, sadly, ones they had run into many times since they came to live in the USA. They were not ones for confrontation. Before, they couldn’t do anything while their bullies marched off, unpunished. But then, as they made eye contact, a brilliant thing happened.
Mom likened the moment to their thought processes coming in sync together. They had a shared idea that didn’t need any further elaboration or explanation.
“___, my dear, I do think the waiter ought to have shown up to [take] us to our table by now,” Mom chimed in the poshest British accent she could muster. “It’s frightfully rude to keep us waiting like this!”
“Yes, darling,” her friend replied, invoking her best impersonation of the Princess of Wales, “it is frightfully rude indeed!”
As they continued to twitter away in their fake English accents, Karen began to slowly back away. Her Botox face reddened and twisted itself in a visage. Realizing that she had just been outsmarted by two young women obsessed with British culture and celebrity, all she could do was storm off down Beverly Boulevard a defeated [jerk].
While there was no direct punishment, it was a story that my mom would continue to retell thirty years later. It has always made me chuckle to myself, and I hope you enjoyed it too.
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